and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
