38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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