i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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