Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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