I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
