My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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