It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
