i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
