New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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