Plan B is the new Plan A
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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