On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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