I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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