Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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