shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
