Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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