Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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