My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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