Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
