He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
