Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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