Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
