i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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