This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
