On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
