we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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