Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
