do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
