I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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