Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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