He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
