R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
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I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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