im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
