what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
