the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
