Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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