I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its not stalking. its research.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
