I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you never un-have a 4some
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize