so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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