Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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