tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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