I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
