is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
