Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
