i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
