1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
