all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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