I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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