By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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