Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
