I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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