Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
