You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
