We're facebook friends in real life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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