Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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