I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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