You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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