Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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